On May 2, 2012...while in Massachusetts staying with my family, four days after my Daddy passed away, I got the happiest news of my life. It was not a phone call, or a text, not in words or spoken but this.....
"I AM PREGNANT!"
I had gone to buy some flowers at the store and realized I was a day late and my boobs were killing me, even though they always do around AF, so I grabbed a pregnancy test. When I got home I went upstairs and took it, in silence, I didn't even tell my BF. Well I set it down on the counter and within seconds the test line appeared before the control line....I was in SHOCK!!! I did a double take, started crying...I couldn't believe it!!
Something that I dreamed about for so long had finally happened. We were pregnant, I was going to be a mom, I felt so complete. All of our "hard work" paid off and came at such a tragic time, it was 100% bittersweet. Although I was excited I was so sad because my Dad could not be here to share the news....I actually didn't even get around to telling him we were "trying".
I feel as though it was a gift from my Dad....up to this point I was deeply sad, I wasn't eating much and wasn't taking care of myself. I went from 118 to 114 in less then a week and on my small frame those pounds looked like much more! As soon as I found out I had life inside me I started eating, drinking lots of water, still taking my pre-natals I had started taking almost a year before trying to conceive. It forced me to take care of myself and not let my Dad's death eat away at my core.
I stayed cautiously optimistic because it was SO very early in the game and I wasn't sure what the stress would do to my body.
So as soon as I found out I was trying to calculate how far along I might be. My last period (LMP) was on March 30, 2012.
1ST PRE-NATAL APPOINTMENT
Fast forward to my first pre-natal appointment on Wednesday, May 9th....at that point I thought I was 6 weeks along based on my LMP. I went into the room, I was by myself without my BF because I wasn't sure if I would have an ultrasound or not I figured it would just be blood work....I was SO excited that this day was finally here. The nurse took my weight & blood pressure and I got a bunch of reading materials and folders about being pregnant. :) So the doctor came in and congratulated me....I thanked her and then told her about my Dad. Right then she wrote down the name of someone I should call to help with the grief. I laid back she calculated how far along I probably was and then she did an ultrasound....the monitor was facing me and she couldn't see anything. My heart sank. She told me that I may not be as far as I thought since I do have a longer cycle and she does see thickening of my uterus which is a very good sign. I sat up and gave blood, scheduled my next appointment for in 2 weeks and was sent on my way. I felt sad with the way it went because nothing came up on the monitor so I went into panic mode.
My bloodwork came back and they said my Progesterone looked good but from my hCG levels it looked as if I was 4 weeks & 5 days at the time of my first appointment so that is why nothing showed up...phew!! I went back a few more times to keep an eye on my hCG levels....they were going up but they were not doubling as they should. Below were my hCGs:
5/9 = 920
5/11 = 1,436
5/15 = 3,400
I am a statistical person...I scrutinized the numbers and compared my numbers to what I read on the web and they should be doubling every 48 - 72 hours and mine didn't seem to be. They were going up but not doubling and so many other people's numbers were SO much higher!
Then on May 16th I started having some very light spotting, it lasted two days. It wasn't pink just a litte tan. I freaked the f@ck out....but several of my friends assured me it was normal, that they too had it during their first trimester. Still it wasn't comforting I thought something was wronga dnwas counting the MINUTES until my next appointment.
2ND PRE-NATAL APPOINTMENT
Fast forward again...two weeks later to May 22nd, I had my 2nd pre-natal appointment and was SO f@cking worried that nothing would show up on the screen. My BF came with me and we were SO EXCITED to see our little "Cubbie"...that's what we had been calling it. So I laid back and we had the ultrasound, we were STARING at the screen, she had to push on my belly because she said I have a "tipped uterus" so sometimes pictures can be harder to see.
There IT WAS!!! That vacant space with a little tiny bean I had only dreamed about. It was a reality and from this moment on I felt like it was "real". She said the baby measured only 6 weeks and we did see the little flicker of a heartbeat. It was the most pure and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I was a little confused to why I was only 6 weeks since I should have been closer to 7 or 8 weeks by then, apparently it happens. Either way it was in me and growing :) The doctor said to come back in 2 weeks and the baby will have changed so much by then, that I will be amazed at the transformation that takes place in only a couple weeks. So I gave some more blood and we scheduled the appointment. What a great day!!
WE ARE SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED!!
I spent the rest of the week looking online at baby stuff & maternity stuff. My waist was growing from all of the bloat...it was crazy...so I bought myself a few maternity tanks that I could wear now and grow into as well as a Bellaband.... I had a feeling I'd need it sooner then later!! I was about to buy a mirror and paint it with chalkboard paint so I could take my weekly pictures with that next to me. I love being crafty!
Well I got my blood work back the following week and it was up from 3,400 to 8,900 in 7 days....to me that seemed fishy. I asked about my Progesterone (which I never asked about) and the doctor I spoke to said it was at 10.89. He said they like to see it between 10 and 25. He assured me it was fine. So again I'm freaking out because it's on the lower end of the spectrum. Why is everything low(er)?
So after Googling and reading many women's stories as well as talking to my best friend she said that I should call the doctor back and ask about going on a Progesterone supplement. So i did. The doctor said that he has no problem prescribing me a Progesterone supplement but since I have had no history of miscarriage there really was no concern. He went over the side effects both on me and the fetus and told me to come in the next day for blood work and then we would decide what to do. Below are my results, first is the 22nd at my 2nd pre-natal appointment and then 5/30 to see if I needed the supplement.
5/22 = hCG 8,900/ Progesterone 10.89
5/30 = hCG 14,000/ Progesterone 9.65
Since my Progesterone went down and my hCG was slowly climbing he decided it would be best....my concern was I was leaving for a business trip so I needed it ASAP. Now I had to take this supplement twice a day until 12 weeks because by then the placenta takes over and there is no need. I said lots of prayers and hoped that everything would be okay. I read so many success stories that it comforted me.
I have learned that just because you become pregnant does not mean you are happy, joyful and over the moon the whole time, there are a whole other set of worries.....for me it was never ending. It was the beginning of worrying about my baby and it was so very early. All I know is that I could not wait until my 8 week ultrasound because my baby would look like a little baby by then, not just a tiny bean. Each ultrasound meant we got to see inside of me to make sure our little cub was okay!!
In the meantime I kept talking to my belly and telling our Cub how much we loved it...every single day!
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