The Dream of Mommyhood

We have all been there, you are TTC and some people just don't know what to say. It could be your sister-in-law, a good friend, a co-worker, your husband's friend's wife, etc. Whether you are talking about how each month has been or about how sad you are that you are not preggo yet and don't know what to do....beware!!

Some words from the wise "keep your mouth SHUT" unless you have some real constructive advice coming from a place of experience. I get it....you are just trying to help, but being told to "relax" or "don't stress" just pisses me off! I'm not alone....check out the book "Bump & Grind".

We all know stress is not good for fertility but by people making comments like this it just adds to the stress by making you feel like it's more your fault then you thought it was which in turn actually stresses you out!! Well that's how I feel.....

Things you DO NOT SAY to someone TTC, especially if you are the type to get preggo if someone just breathes on you (my comments are in the blue):

"Don't worry it will happen." (suck it!)
"Just relax it will happen!" (my ALL TIME FAVORITE)
"Stop stressing about it!" (really?!? thanks for the advice I'll be sure to tell myself that)
"Stop trying, it will happen....that's what happened to me." (if I stopped trying I will not be pregnant EVER)
"You're trying too hard." (No I'm not!!)
"When are you going guys going to have a baby? Get on it what are you waiting for?" (okay)
"Have you considered Clomid?" (ummmm it hasn't even been 6 months are you serious??)
"Has <<Enter man's name here>> had his sperm checked?" (last resort...I can't imagine bringing that up after 6 months and 4 months of REALLY trying)
"Just enjoy life now, once you have a kid everything changes, it's a lot of responsibility." (F@ck off...I'm not kidding... f@ck off!!)
"Just have sex every day for two weeks & you'." (When I come back in my next life and our schedules match up perfectly for even one week maybe that's a possibility.)

If you actually do use one of the phrases above I typically give my usual "SHUT THE F@CK UP" look and roll my eyes. Good thing it's usually via text or over the phone because I have no game face whatsoever!!

People! I just need you to listen, most humans by nature are always trying to fix something that is broken or find the reason why. Well this isn't that time...just listen, support me and if you do have constructive advice just give it! If you don't zip your lip......I know it's hard!

The best things one of my friends will say each month is "keep bangin'"...because she knows!! It took her close to 8 months and each month was a disappointment but she always reminds me it's about the timing and if your timing isn't spot on......that diva of an egg is NOT waiting around for anyone! She does tell me not to stress but it's not just stress & relaxing....if that was the case I would have been pregnant my first three months trying....you know?

I am starting to get use to the comments but it can really be enough already. I am doing what I need to do, trying to relax, eat right, go to bed earlier (but this is real life)...things get in the way! When comments come from people who got preggo not trying or month one you lose credibility, unless you have "really tried".

I'd love to hear your own personal stories or things people say to you that piss you off or make you feel better, so please feel free to share in the comments! :)

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From the time I was a little girl I dreamed of getting married, starting a family and having lots of little ones running around. I played dolls with my friends for hours on end....caring for my "baby", dressing it, feeding it and changing it. I'm pretty sure I played dolls until I was 12....then I became a baby sitter a couple years later. Of course in my typical fashion... I had to be the best babysitter so I took some classes at the hospital in my town to learn baby CPR, child CPR and other helpful information. It was the perfect job...I got paid to take care of kids!! I loved it!!

Well fast forward almost 3 decades later... graduated high school & college, married, divorced, found love again & living in sin :)... Here I am still with that same dream!! Since I can remember... having a family has always been my number one priority. Call me old fashioned but when asked what I want to do (career wise), the first thing that comes to my mind is "BE A MOM". Some may roll there eyes at me but it's true!

At first glance you would not think so because many people are too quick to jump to conclusions and judge me but the ones who know me the best, who are closest to me know how important this is. Currently I work in a demanding job at a luxury fashion house and own my own small business, but inside I still feel empty because my truest, purest, deepest dream/goal still has not come to fruition.

Over the past couple years I have been really thinking about it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now and know we will be together forever. We talked about starting a family and how it would happen soon. This past year we made a BIG decision....to start a family. We are very unconventional and want to do the baby before marriage thing. We know we will get married but if we are going to spend the money, we would rather spend it on beginning a family then a diamond or a wedding.

So to prepare myself, I went off BC.... Then in November (2011) we started "trying". It was after a conversation around my birthday where when he kept asking me what I wanted my answer was always "a baby".

Our definition of "trying" was doing the deed without BC (no condoms, pill or pull-and-pray). I didn't use OPK's (yet), I didn't chart BBT (yet) & I didn't use a fertility monitor (yet..lol). I just downloaded an app and tracked my fertile days and tried around those days. After a couple months I decided to look into my options with tracking fertility, other then an app. Its now 6 months later and still nothing....I remain hopeful!

I am a "planner" by nature, I set goals for myself regularly and do everything in my power to get to where I want to be. I make shit happen!! I make sacrifices daily and make decisions that may or may not work out in my favor but get me a step closer to my goal. I do this at work and I do this with my jewelry line....but cannot seem to do this with making a baby!

Through this journey I am realizing more and more every SINGLE day that not everything in life can be controlled by us....unless there is a major fertility issue and you need some sort of treatment or intervention with IVF and meds. It is truly higher then us, it's in God's hands. We just have to make sure to try and have sex during the right times and sit back and wait. The waiting part has made me learn A LOT about myself & how I deal with disappointment.

This is how it goes each month went for me:

Taking tests to track ovulation
Stressing about being able to have sex when we need to (in my head), how to make it fun, if my boyfriend will want to, hoping I don't ovulate when he's working nights
Trying on days I believe to be fertile (or sometimes lucky enough to not try and have FUN)
TWW (aka two week wait) - feeling symptoms because pregnancy mimics the same symptoms as PM...tired, sore boobs, eating a lot, bloated, gassy, etc
Praying that your AF (aka Aunt Flow) does not show up
Being a little late
Getting your AF
Crying

It's a feeling that can crush you. The first few months I cried....and cried and cried. I hid it from everyone (including my mom & amazing man), only 2 of my best friends knew how upset I was. Finally by the 4th month I cried in front of my boyfriend...I didn't before because I was afraid that he would think I was crazy, but by talking it out with other girls realized it's normal to be sad. You are trying to conceive, form a life, a life that is made by you and someone you love more then life itself so when you try try try as hard as you can imagine and it doesn't happen it is upsetting.

Last month was the first month I did not cry......it was a relief! I just thought ahead to the next month (this month) and what I would do differently and how I am closer and closer to getting pregnant now then I was before. We can only do so much and the rest is in God's hands..... there is a plan for all of us, you do not get the opportunity to see it but somehow it unfolds the way it should. It has been that way for me until now so why would it be any different with making a baby? I believe if it didn't happen yet, it's just not the right time. When it does....it will be right!

I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below or if you have a similar story please share it. :)

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The Dream of Mommyhood

Showing posts with label ttc. Show all posts

"Just Relax & It Will Happen" ...SHUT THE F UP!

April 23, 2012

M Y | B A C K - S T O R Y

April 20, 2012

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