Well.....since nothing seems to be F@CKING going right these days there is still "tissue" there, placental tissue not fetal tissue. The technical term that I saw written on my script for the radiologist was "retained products".
"The term retained products of conception (RPOC) refers to placental and/or fetal tissue that remains in the uterus after a spontaneous pregnancy loss (miscarriage), planned pregnancy termination, or preterm/term delivery. The presence of RPOC after a spontaneous pregnancy loss distinguishes an incomplete from a complete miscarriage." (Source)
The tissue really needs to be out completely or you risk serious infection.
Which means I am now in the middle of my 2nd round with Cytotec. Ding, Ding Ding! I took it at 6:15 this morning so I could get work done today since I am working from home. Thankfully the doctor said there is very little tissue to come out so it shouldn't be as painful this time and I made it a point to make sure I took the three Advil before taking the Cytotec.
On Monday I go back for a scan, if there is still tissue present then I will have to have a D&C. I have been scheduled for the D&C for next Thursday 6/21 just incase, because sadly these appointments get all booked up because so many women need them. I really hope I don't need one. Then again I feel like I am just a statistic so my prediction is I WILL need one, things just aren't going my way. I'll bet on it! I am trying not to get my head all the way up my a@@ but it's really hard right now. I am to a point where I'm ready to move on. I just want to get thought this, get my period and start trying again.
I'm really thinking on working on a project that has to do with Miscarriage Awareness...so many women don't talk about it and live in silence as if they should be embarassed about it. I know that feeling. You feel "broken" like your body failed you...but it is natural selection and its f@cking sad!!! What we go through is painful, excruciating and very lonely, even if you are surrounded by love like myself! We shall see....
MC FACT: Did you know that between 25% and 50% of all women experience at least one miscarriage, but not always having realised they were pregnant. That statistic BLOWS MY MIND!!
This whole process has really put things into perspective, who has really come through for me & for us, even more so then before. The amount of people who knew what I was going through and reached out to me to comfort is just heartwarming. My friends are amazing! My mother, who has always been a source of my strength came down to be with me for one day...she drove hours to get here just to be by my side last week and drove back home the next day. THAT is love. My boyfriend, my loving boyfriend, is a blessing I cannot imagine being with anyone else. The day we found out we lost our baby he said to me "don't worry baby we will make another one", it's like he knew exactly what I was thinking.
Over the past couple months the things we have gone through have been catastrophic but we are making it through stronger then ever. Tragic losses that one couple can endure such as a miscarriage can drive a wedge between them, resentment can arise, blame can arise and re-evaluation of relationships take place. This test has brought us so much closer....creating life TOGETHER and losing it TOGETHER saddened us to the core but we will persevere. We WILL make another baby soon, I'm sure of it. From the outside noone would know the hurt we have gone through because we both do a good job at saving face. We won't let this break us, it is just a BIG bump in the road and I am sure there will be many more but having this man by my side makes it bearable. True love....NEVER FAILS!
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